Decaffeinated

It’s 11:22pm Melbourne time but I am still up and typing this post while having a cup of decaffeinated coffee (with, of course, some ‘biko’ that I cooked yesterday).  I had actually given up coffee for five days after suffering from intermittent vertigo attacks for almost a week.  Thankfully, caffeine abstinence is effective for me— I haven’t had that annoying dizziness for four days now!

But my cravings for this moreish drink never stopped; every morning or even after lunch, my desire for my favourite skinny flat white with ‘half’ sugar has just been getting more intense.  This must be part of the caffeine withdrawal symptoms, though I don’t have that characteristic headache that my late dad, who was an avid coffee drinker, was describing to me when he was experiencing coffee thirst.

WHILE WE WERE CHATTING on FB Messenger this evening, my friend Anna, who is also a coffee drinker, suggested that I might be able to get rid of this vertigo while at the same time enjoying coffee.  But there’s a catch— I have to drink decaffeinated coffee!  Oh boy, I haven’t thought about it, so at 10pm I found myself driving to Coles supermarket to get some coffee.

While at Coles, I noticed a few staff down the aisle who had just cleared an entire rack to give way to a display of a wide variety of Christmas decors!  I stopped to browse along the aisle hoping that I could get something for my unit.  There were different sizes and colours of reindeer, glistening metal balls, artificial pine needles made into wreath, mistletoes, Santa’s hat, socks, candy canes and the list goes on...  Sadly, I didn’t find what I was looking for—the nativity scene poster or figurines!  Not even an ornamental star! 

I just can’t believe that a supermarket giant has never considered or thought about selling (or even displaying) a nativity scene poster when in fact Christmas is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.  

As I drove home, what I had was only a pot of poinsettia to adorn my coffee table with, and a small jar of decaffeinated coffee in my shopping bag.  While navigating through the deserted, dimly lit streets of Bendigo, I was thinking that I may be able to manage vertigo attacks by drinking coffee without caffeine, but I definitely couldn’t celebrate Christmas without Christ, can I?      

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Mi Corazón

It’s already mid-spring but this late winter nip seems to linger…

Breezy.  Chilly.  Gloomy.  My nights and days in the Goldfields have been always like this since you left.  Ever since you left me.

While desperately longing for your presence, all I could do is to wish; to wish that the sun will finally find its way out and start shining— not only to brighten my days but to, also, keep me warm!

Absurd as it may seem, your warmth as we snuggled up was a shelter of my heart.  A sanctuary that was destroyed by the ruthless storms of your goodbyes.

That heartbreak was drowning!  I almost believed that I lived no longer until I felt my heart beating…

Yes, it is still beating only for you.




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Midsummer Wish

Hundreds of tiny lights were glittering over the lawn!  As I gently sipped the red wine while sitting in one of the rocking chairs on the spacious front porch, I knew they were fireflies that, like me, were trying to find their way through the balmy midsummer evening.

A live band was playing in the backyard-- entertaining the partying crowd over there but the sound was gentle enough for my eardrum to handle.  I was alone but didn’t mind the seclusion.

Gazing across the road, I noticed that there were actually thousands of fireflies around-- swarming and sparkling over the lush soybean field!

I could only wish you were here!  We could've enjoyed that beautiful sunset together... that lovely vista as the old, red family barn gleamed in the rays of the setting sun, casting sharp shadow on the little vineyard and its adjacent cornfield.

Oceans away, continents apart...  I couldn’t stop thinking about you.


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Parting Ways

I wish this is only a nightmare... or a page on a novel manuscript of my life that I can simply tear away.  But this is real, I am certain... this is not a dream.  This is where we part ways!

Why can't you stay?  Why can't I make you stay?

All I can see now is a silhouette of yours-- gradually fading away in the dense, winter fog.  Amidst the softly falling flurries that's been filling up your foot tracks, here I am, left standing alone, watching as this heartbreaking scene is unfolding before me.  Absolutely crushed, I am, like the snow beneath my sole!  All I have now are those warm memories of ours-- flickering like these vintage street lamps through the early evening snowfall.  

Good luck on your new job assignment and may you find someone to love somewhere out there.

Letting Go

I KNEW THAT THIS WOULD happen but I just didn’t expect it to be so soon!  You’re moving overseas to follow your dreams, unaware that there will be a lonely heart left behind.  Australia will never be the same again.  Never!

I’m one of those sycamore trees lining the streets of the city of Bendigo—whose patchy yellow and brown autumn foliage has been thinning out for more than a couple of months now…  Nights are getting longer, and the days—cooler and dull.  Like the season of fall that’s coming to an end, I couldn’t hold it off; I couldn’t make you stay.  No.  And the thought that I will never have the right to do it has been making it hurt even more!

It won’t be long until these leaves that have been holding on to these sycamore branches will fall off… Even the frost in the morning couldn’t hold them back; and that only a puff of a crisp winter breeze could blow the final leaf away!  

Unlike the bare branches in winter that promise a new life in spring, mine will surely gonna need pruning when you leave. 

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Sunset Safari

HOLDING MY 7mm-08 CALIBRE RIFLE, I was crouching, walking slowly and moving quietly through the thick eucalyptus woodland.  I’d deliberately stop to look around and would proceed carefully while stepping on top of a pile of soaked fallen leaves and branches.  I was trying to avoid disturbing the magpies that must’ve been seeking refuge in the warmth of the canopy after the heavy autumn rain earlier this afternoon.  Having been exposed to quite a few hunting safaris in Africa I knew that birds taking off would scare the game animals away.

She was following right behind me, dolled up in my other pair of camo-foliage suit—awkwardly mimicking my steps and posture.  I extended my right arm and using my palm, I gave her a signal to stop walking.  Then I peered through the gum tree branches hoping to see a herd of deer but what I saw was a vast and lush lucerne paddock on the other side of the fence and a massive flock of sheep grazing farther afield.  There were no deer...

Though obscured by a few streaks and bunches of hovering clouds, I knew that the sun was setting behind.  The sky above the western horizon had been gradually painted with magical shades of pastel orange and black—a beautiful remnant of that watery vapour that decided to keep sailing up there after the rain.

“James, can we sit down for a moment?  I feel so exhausted.”  

We crossed the fence, and sat next to each other on a small bed of rock.  I laid my rifle down beside me and wrapped my arms around her.  She rested her head on my shoulder.  Underneath the mud-covered sole of my hunting boots I could feel the drenched soil beneath the dewy carpet of lucerne.

A flock of wild ducks instantly flew low over the man-made canal next to the paddock—creating some moving silhouettes against the final glow of the day.  Then she broke the bad news to me!

“I only have six months to live; my oncologist discussed the test result with me the other day.” 

I was lost for words.  I didn’t want to lose her!

I looked straight into her eyes and I noticed the gleam of the scarlet sky reflecting off her pooling tears.

A cool, gentle breeze swept through.

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Fallen...

An excerpt of an entry from Rogelio's diary a year ago: 

10 January 2015 

It’s my fault.  I was the one who started making those friendly advances just for fun, incognizant of the fact that I’ve been digging myself into a hole. 

My playful behaviors have naturally unveiled your kindness.  Those regular SMS exchanges that have eventually become more and more frequent... and your casual invitations to hang out together have made me realize you have a good heart.  And now I have fallen into the pit—I myself have dug! 

Like a drum in my chest, my heartbeat’s been gradually getting stronger yet still seems not loud enough for you to hear.  Now that we’re friends, how can I tell you that I’m honestly longing for more than that?  

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Nightfall

The late evening sun was setting behind the vineyards of Rutherglen Estates when a red, 2015 Camry drove off the Mediterranean-inspired courtyard of Tuileries Restaurant.  Against the final glow of the western sky and the elegantly lit, maroon window awnings on the facade of the historic cellar door, he was left alone, standing on that vacant parking space.

IT WAS A DRY, 34-degree day in north east Victoria so Rogelio had decided to be in his most presentable army-green cargo shorts and white collared shirt adorned with a tiny, green crocodile insignia.  A couple of hours earlier he was excitedly getting dressed to catch up with a friend—who, for him, was very special.  He, unfortunately, didn’t get the chance to at least say ‘hi’ when he spotted her in Adelaide a week ago, but their job and fate had luckily brought them together in this picturesque wine village this week.

Amidst the uncomfortable summer evening temperature, Rogelio believed that tonight, luck was on his side.  He was hoping that this meeting would be the perfect moment for him to finally confess his feelings for her that, for so long, had been suppressed!

BUT AS THE streetlamps on Rutherglen’s Main St. came to life, the truth was gradually sinking into his brain—the stars in the universe weren’t aligned for him tonight… He found himself walking along the concrete footpath that was obviously leading to the town centre, yet for him he’s clearly heading towards an unknown direction.

His dear friend was leaving the country!  She’s moving overseas with a guy who recently got promoted in a multinational company he’s working for.  Rogelio’s heart had been bleeding since his friend told him at the restaurant about this decision—a big move that’s truly life changing not only for her, but for him, as well!  Earlier across the table, he’d managed to fake a smile and had sincerely wished her good luck as they bade farewell to each other before she eventually drove off the courtyard. 

By the hilly street, lined with well-maintained buildings of the Victorian Era, he wanted to scream his heart out!  Then a heavy, forest-green wooden door beside him swung open; a few tipsy tradesmen walked off.  He heard billiard balls hitting off the pool table, beer schooners clinking, and a hint of something like a tobacco smoke with a gluey aroma of spilt beer on the carpet wafted through the doorway.

Rogelio went in. 


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Turbulence

THE DIMLY LIT CABIN WAS shuddering thirty-eight thousand feet above sea level but he seemingly failed to notice it.  As the Melbourne-bound Airbus 320 banked to the left to head southeast, his mind was simultaneously drifting back to Mosely Square in Glenelg.  Like the jet engine, Rogelio was trying to control his emotions so he could move on but the drama last night was like an opposing aerodynamic force that, he knew, will surely keep the next few days from propelling.

The natural, mid-morning light was blinding, and its warmth was penetrating through the plexiglass but he couldn’t be bothered to shut the shade of the oval window next to him.  His face was perfectly illuminated thus highlighting his despair!

She’s not mine, she had never been mine, he thought while he was staring blankly outside the aircraft.  After seeing her with another guy that evening—holding hands, and walking together along Jetty Road until they gradually disappeared through the Norfolk pines and into the darkness, he’s certain that she could never ever be his lover.

He gently closed his eyes... took a deep breath, and shook his head. 

Suddenly, the cabin seemed to have quickly dropped in the air, falling from the sky.  The aircraft had managed to gracefully recover just as he opened his eyes.  Then somebody reached out from the aisle to hand him a piece of packed sandwich and an elegant, branded serviette.

He was not hungry.

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Continued here:  Nightfall