Decaffeinated

It’s 11:22pm Melbourne time but I am still up and typing this post while having a cup of decaffeinated coffee (with, of course, some ‘biko’ that I cooked yesterday).  I had actually given up coffee for five days after suffering from intermittent vertigo attacks for almost a week.  Thankfully, caffeine abstinence is effective for me— I haven’t had that annoying dizziness for four days now!

But my cravings for this moreish drink never stopped; every morning or even after lunch, my desire for my favourite skinny flat white with ‘half’ sugar has just been getting more intense.  This must be part of the caffeine withdrawal symptoms, though I don’t have that characteristic headache that my late dad, who was an avid coffee drinker, was describing to me when he was experiencing coffee thirst.

WHILE WE WERE CHATTING on FB Messenger this evening, my friend Anna, who is also a coffee drinker, suggested that I might be able to get rid of this vertigo while at the same time enjoying coffee.  But there’s a catch— I have to drink decaffeinated coffee!  Oh boy, I haven’t thought about it, so at 10pm I found myself driving to Coles supermarket to get some coffee.

While at Coles, I noticed a few staff down the aisle who had just cleared an entire rack to give way to a display of a wide variety of Christmas decors!  I stopped to browse along the aisle hoping that I could get something for my unit.  There were different sizes and colours of reindeer, glistening metal balls, artificial pine needles made into wreath, mistletoes, Santa’s hat, socks, candy canes and the list goes on...  Sadly, I didn’t find what I was looking for—the nativity scene poster or figurines!  Not even an ornamental star! 

I just can’t believe that a supermarket giant has never considered or thought about selling (or even displaying) a nativity scene poster when in fact Christmas is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.  

As I drove home, what I had was only a pot of poinsettia to adorn my coffee table with, and a small jar of decaffeinated coffee in my shopping bag.  While navigating through the deserted, dimly lit streets of Bendigo, I was thinking that I may be able to manage vertigo attacks by drinking coffee without caffeine, but I definitely couldn’t celebrate Christmas without Christ, can I?      

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Mi Corazón

It’s already mid-spring but this late winter nip seems to linger…

Breezy.  Chilly.  Gloomy.  My nights and days in the Goldfields have been always like this since you left.  Ever since you left me.

While desperately longing for your presence, all I could do is to wish; to wish that the sun will finally find its way out and start shining— not only to brighten my days but to, also, keep me warm!

Absurd as it may seem, your warmth as we snuggled up was a shelter of my heart.  A sanctuary that was destroyed by the ruthless storms of your goodbyes.

That heartbreak was drowning!  I almost believed that I lived no longer until I felt my heart beating…

Yes, it is still beating only for you.




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Coming 'home'

"So, where is home for you?"   

That is the question that I have, frequently, had to answer for almost a decade now. I admit I find it quite difficult to answer especially that I have lived under sixteen different roofs since I was fifteen years 'young'.  From a cramped to comfortable boarding houses when I was studying at the uni in the Philippines, to some small rental rooms and farm accommodations when I started to get employed in Luzon; and in Australia-- in some old country town residences, in a caravan, in a relatively modern room and a few apartment units.   

Having been granted with an Australian residency and eventually with an Australian citizenship didn't make answering the same question easy at all.  It has, honestly, made it a bit challenging to answer especially that (I have accepted this fact because I could never change it, I don’t mean to discriminate myself here that) my skin, eyes and hair colour is quite unique from the majority of the people living in this country where I work and live. Besides, I have this very strong accent and sadly, no matter how I tried, I still communicate using my broken spoken English.   

I have been living in Bendigo, Victoria, Australia for more than a year now.  This is a lovely regional city with elegant architecture and has been proud of it's history (Victorian gold rush, mid-1800's) to have been literally founded on precious gold!  It was recorded that the first dwellers of Bendigo moved to this place because of their desire to, obviously, find and accumulate treasure.   

For almost fourteen months of being a Bendigo resident, I have never been sure if this is where I actually live... still quite uncertain if this city is actually 'home' for me.  Yes, it feels great to be coming 'home' to my unit every weekend but I also feel 'at home' in those countless motels, hotels, serviced apartments and other accommodations where I would stay every time I'm off for a fieldwork on weekdays.  The drinks and the familiar musty and beery smell of the carpet at the small-town pubs, the meals at RSLs, those take-away lunches from the fast food while on the road and those refreshments onboard the aircrafts- all these make me feel ‘at home', too!   

I am yet to meet a few great friends in this community; it has never been easy to establish friendship especially that I have been always on-the-go. Don't get me wrong, though, because I love who and where I am now, and I definitely enjoy what I have been doing for a living.  Honestly, they're more than enough for me to confidently say that, somehow, I have found my treasure in this 'place'!   

So, where is home for me, then?   

For now, I'd say that that 'place' is this earth. The world is my oyster!  Yes, this is my 'home' because I live in this world.    



[Typed on my phone while on flight QF 679 Melbourne to Adelaide.  20.08.2016]

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